Quite a short post from me this time. I've been struggling the last couple of nights with a bad bout of Insomnia. At the minute I feel like I'm walking through the day waist deep in Treacle, everything is running in slow motion, basically jetlag without the holiday. I hope to give you a more art and photo filled post next time, but for now I'll include images of my safe place.
Incidentally whilst I was writing this blog post Geraldine posted a link to her post on her own blog where she mentions the way to living your Truth is to discover the things you perhaps did not know about yourself and to also consider the aspects of ourselves we may not like. It struck a cord with me because I too had come to same conclusion.
Often when I've washed my dreads I'll sit in front of my mirror and blow dry my hair, a mirror is not exactly required for the job of blow drying ones hair but it seems to be something I do. Occasionally, I will find myself staring at my own reflection, having drifted off into space, lost in some random thought or another. To tell you the truth (ha!) my first (this) post for the new direction of Dream Create Journal has been troubling me, I've not really known what I want to say and when I do I'm not sure how to say it. So there I am thinking about it all and I find myself staring at my reflection once again and I realised that in order to find what is True and what is real for me, I would have to really look at who I am. And there with my gaze held straight into my own eyes, stripped of the comfort of my social defences, fresh faced and slightly pink from my shower I see them, swimming beneath the surface. The Ugly Truths. The Truths you have spent your life denying, repressing and concealing from others but also from yourself. Truths that may carry shame, guilt or social stigma. To acknowledge them requires strength and courage, to admit them requires a level of acceptance that may not ever be reached.
For me, I've been running from an Ugly Truth my whole life. It's something I've never wanted to accept and so I've always brushed it off, made excuses to myself and reasoned out the results. I've given every excuse under the sun to those around me, I've hidden and skirted around the subject. I've balked at accusations and retaliated with aggression. I've projected and I've accused in kind. I'm now at the point where I'm able to admit to it, maybe not to everyone, but at least to myself. Still not without difficulty nor without inwardly cringing every time I say it but surprisingly, the burden and weight this ugly truth holds is getting easier to carry. I am making peace with it.
I apologise if that remains rather abstract, I've written and rewritten this post several times, trying to find a balance, to share enough but not so much that I feel exposed. I hope I've managed to convey enough meaning. The process of writing my own story, or at least beginning to do so, through Dream Create Journal, has focused my mind and narrowed my attention to certain things and whilst I'm able to begin to accept these things on a personal quiet level I'm not quite there to share them with you all.
In accepting the Ugly, Unpleasant or Unknown Truths they no longer contain the same negative energy, they occupy less space in your mind and in your heart. They hold less control on the Truths you set, and in turn make true about yourself. As Lucretius said way back when “....truths kindle light for truths”
Till next time guys x